When your personality or God given temperament is damaged early in life a lot of negative things begin to happen. As adults we are messed up. To fix this we need to know who we are in Christ and love ourselves. I don't mean with a selfish, I'm always right , look at me kind of attitude. When we don't trust Gods love we put a great burden on others we are trying to have a relationship with to make us feel good about ourselves. They can't do it only God can. God loves us unconditionally, often people love us with conditions . Only God can really make you happy. People will eventually fail you. Isaiah 61 says in verse 1 the spirit of The Lord is upon me, The Lord has anointed me we can heal our behaviors through Christ. The whole chapter is worth reading.
We need to overcome our past in order to move forward in our future. By studing God's word we find His promises. He reveals to us what is wrong with us if we let Him. We cannot get to where we need to be if we don't face where we are at. We limit what God is able to do in us. Stop blaming everyone else and ask God to show you - YOU. Often we get so focused on what others are doing wrong we can't see what we are doing wrong. You can't change anyone only God can. We can let God change us and pray for others that they will make the same choice.
In order to change addictive personality behavior we have to admit it before God, study His Word and let God change our hearts, mind and soul. We need to submit to Him and learn self control.
But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and shelf control ..
God has given us the ability to control ourselves but it takes practice. We have to choose it not make excuses . God gave us the seed of self control but we have to water it. We do this by studing Gods Word and applying it to our life. Praying everyday to help us. We cannot do it on our own we will need His help. When we studing the Word it helps to renew our mind, change our thoughts and perspective.
Self control means we are not being controlled by others. People who are broken hearted and wounded do one of two things. They let others contro them usually out of fear in their life or they become controlling which inturn makes them so obnoxious nobody wants to be around them.
We need to choose to follow the Holy Spirit but when we do the Devil is usually right behind us using other people to keep us from following the leadership of God in our life. Often we find other people want us to do it their way, they think they know what is best. The problem arises when we don't follow them and know God has a different plan for us. They will turn against you but remember God loves you unconditionally He knows what is best for you.
When we study the Bible we need good doctrine but also as important is life application. It seems we almost always fail when we try by ourself. We have to let God in our hearts and mind to control us and keep us where He wants us to go. We cannot rely on just us God can gives us what we need if we let Him. Self control is possible and with this we can overcome our additive behavior.
Meditate on the fruits of the spirit it will change everything if you let it.